i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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