I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I cockslap morals
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
