I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
