New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
