do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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