We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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