I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
not ubering you a puppy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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