I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
