Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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