Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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