I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
