How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
