if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
