I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You ate ashes out of my bong
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
