Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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