shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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