it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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