So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
