Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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