I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
