I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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