She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
