Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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