i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
