guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
