Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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