definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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