I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
How naked do you want me to be?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
