you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
