my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
