This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
