Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
