she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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