Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
