Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
