I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
