I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
