Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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