I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
