That's intense
that's an acceptable place to lick
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
