I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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