Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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