Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
