They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
