OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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