fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
