Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
