remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
