six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
tonight lets celebrate not being married
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
