Can i not drive my cunt home
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
