Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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