Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
