Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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