Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
