i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize