She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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