Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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