Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
we should paint friendship bongs
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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