yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I haven't been this sober since birth.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
