no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
