It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
