The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I look better un-naked...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
