You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
