Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
