I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
