I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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