I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
