You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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