they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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